“Mind Your Language 2025”

In this hilarious reimagining, the classic British sitcom gets a football-themed makeover. The story takes place in a luxury language school in Dubai, where retired football legend Lionel Messi has somehow ended up teaching English (despite his own famous struggles with the language).

The main source of comedy comes from Messi, now wearing thick-rimmed professor glasses and a bowtie, attempting to teach English while still primarily speaking in Spanish-accented English. His star student? None other than Cristiano Ronaldo, who insists on referring to himself in the third person (“Ronaldo wants to learn the English”) and keeps trying to take his shirt off whenever he correctly answers a question.

The classroom is filled with retired football stars from different countries, each bringing their own linguistic challenges:

• Neymar Jr., who dramatically falls out of his chair whenever someone mispronounces a word
• Wayne Rooney, ironically there to learn “proper English”
• Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who corrects Messi’s English by making everything about himself
• Peter Crouch, who’s actually there by mistake but stays for the robot dance lessons

Instead of a traditional chalkboard, Messi uses VAR (Video Assistant Reference) to review grammar mistakes. The running gag is that every time he tries to use technology, it somehow ends up showing his Champions League highlights instead.

The school principal is played by a deadpan Roy Keane, who walks in occasionally just to say “That’s shocking English, absolutely shocking” and walk out again.

Each episode ends with a “penalty shootout” of vocabulary words, where getting words wrong leads to students having to do elaborate goal celebrations as punishment. Ronaldo always volunteers, even when it’s not his turn.

The show’s catchphrase becomes “SIUUUU-per English!” much to Messi’s constant annoyance.

Special guest appearances include José Mourinho as a substitute teacher who only teaches “parking the bus” idioms, and Pep Guardiola giving intense, incomprehensible motivational speeches about the beauty of proper grammar.

The show’s theme song is just the Champions League anthem with English grammar rules awkwardly sung over it.